Nooby has identity problems. Am I alone having them?

[nooby]

I get the impression that if others share my lack
of a to them sure or deeply felt identity then they
keep it to themselves and do not want the help
from others to find out who they are?

Three example.

1. Cultural identity. I am as much Swede as anybody else
but I fail to take it for granted or to feel at home as a Swede
in Sweden. Other cultural identities that live here in Sweden
seems to not have that problem.

Take Sami people. Our version of Aboriginal? Innuites,
They seems to have no problem identifying themselves
as Sami or Roma or several other group like Jews, Roma,
and so on.
And as Swedes we are not supposed to be proud of
being swedes. It is seen as a kind of whiteness problem.

As Swedes we are supposed to feel guilty over being part
of the Western domination over minorities.

2. Religious identity fails me too I don't want to be theist anymore
but I see no evidence for a God so I am locked into formally being
an atheist against my personal will or wish.

And formally I can not say that I am religious because that
require that I am a believer in a real God and I only believe
that humans created God using imagination.

As a kind of art form. like when they imagine characters
in books or movies. But such views are not approved of.
by either the Atheists nor the god believers.
Nothing but a true God will do. All other gods are false
and that is a kind of "No-No" to both theist and atheist alike.

Edit Maybe some atheist have mixed views on the imagined god.

Both tend to look down on the imagined God as very childish way
to relate to God.

They see such imagination as a kind of cheating or deceptive behavior.
Such behavior is neither seen as atheist nor as theist

3. Sexual orientation? I am kind of a-sexual/ASexual?
lacking the internal drive that most people have.
Sure I do love to have sex but ...

But let us concentrate on the cultural and religious/secular identity. .

"Are you a believer or a non-believer" some would ask me
when I tell them that emotionally I feel touched by the love
that God show me. and what kind of cultural identity
that is most close/near to heart to what is reasonable to identify with?

I feel more Norwegian than Swede but I don't know why that is so.

I feel more religious than I feel atheistic about having an emotional
relation to our culturally imagined God.

Compare with music. To me Norwegian Folk music
sound more true and genuine and authentic to me.

Religious expressions sounds and feels more genuine and
and feels more from the heart than the from the head logical
assertions that atheists love to use as arguments and to ridicule
the believers with. I have acted like that too and still does.
But I don't feel proud over doing it as many atheists assert they do.

Could I get some friendly help with these questions please?

Do you recognize that your body has similar feelings or are your
body totally alien to your such foreign views?
Sorry such confusing text here. Text got lost in inner translaion
Lost in translation?

Okay the opening post is too long already and
I did not read it through as usual. I am bad at structuring
my confusing thoughts on these issues/topics.

Knowing that I will die within some 10 months makes
my inner motivation feel urgent that I want at least some answer
to me personally though.
To die without even understanding myself feels like a total failure.
To be totally lost and like a true misfit among fellow humans
My life would end with a big Question mark. Who am I?

The totally lost Nooby feeling like an absolute Nobody.

[starhawk]

nooby, you are you. You are not any of us. We cannot tell you /who you are/. We can only tell you /who we perceive/ when we communicate with (or encounter IRL) you.

My perception of you is a wonderful dude with some awesome Puppy skills, who loves to software-tinker but needs to spend some time thinking about who he is and how he wants to define himself.

Then again, we have a phrase here in the US, "that's like the pot calling the kettle black" -- I have been meaning for literally YEARS to sit down and figure out what I believe, at least in terms of faith/religion/etc. So I have not practiced what I am preaching.

Still...

When you feel like you've got some time to yourself (don't rush it! you can't force this stuff, you've got to wait for it to be ready), sit down somewhere where you are comfortable, and think about yourself. Bring pencil and paper (not pen, you will almost certainly want to erase). Put on some music if it helps you concentrate. If it distracts you, don't use it. But think about yourself, out loud if there's nobody there (conversing audibly with yourself works better than you'd think) and For Pete's Sakes take notes! If you get interrupted, or have to interrupt yourself, that's OK, come back later. You'll be there... for a while at least (Personally, I hope your doctors turn out to be wrong and you live far longer than they have predicted. We will see.)

...when you're done, share it with us, if you want -- but don't feel obligated to share it. You are you, and if you're not comfortable sharing that part of you, that's perfectly OK, and (from where I'm typing) totally understandable.

Good luck!

[RSH]

No, nooby.

Of course, you are not the only one having such problems.

But, you are one of the very few, who's recognizing it and willing to articulate or to think about it.

As starhawk said, --> sit down somewhere <--, but don't think about yourself. Have a look around at the people surrounding you. You will see a world filled up with people trying to find their identities in wearing trendy clothes, using trendy products, driving trendy cars, watching trendy soaps on TV, listening to trendy music and so on!

Probably currently the possible largest part of humanity has such indentity problems and is trying to find indentity by defining themselves as a consumer and identifying themselves by those consumed products.

Another big part of humanity is actually trying to get close to be a part of the huge community of people having identity problems - just as a side mark.

Really nooby: neither you, nor me, nor any other person who is able to recogognize, to think and/or to tell about its identity problems, does really have such problems.

Majority of humanity does have identity problems and this is the cause of so many problems humanity is suffering on.

Currently each and every majority -related to humanity- IS WRONG!

That's our situation.

Nooby, I'm not the liar to people and I'm not the guy to give comfort to the people, I just like to be fair and to tell the truth - both of them as far as possible and as good as I'm able to. To be near to death of course is terrible or real horror - but that's the concept.

I like to see it from the point of "The lucky ones", which we are, because almost all of us could live our lives in peaceful times without being directly involved or affected into war and/or terror or simlar humanity behavior.

To be near to death could be taken as a gift. A jackpot in the lottery of life. Getting out of here right before humantiy goes down the drain - which will happen, of course!

Btw.: I too have long periods of sexual inactivity. Sometimes it has made problems, because girlfriend's phantasie could only see another girl as an acceptable reason.

Though, nooby: all the best and remark, we all are just one step behind you...

[nooby]

Btw.: I too have long periods of sexual inactivity. Sometimes it has made problems, because girlfriend's phantasie could only see another girl as an acceptable reason.

Yes they imagine such to be the cause or that one don't find her
attractive enough. why else would one not adore her several times
a week. When we most active it gotto be once a week or maybe
three times a week. So typical of me. I would want to remember
every detail and feelings we had together.

Last time I made a phone call to her she bragged to have several
guys taking turns to make it feel good for her.
As if she did not know how jealous I would feel not having
access to even a big warm hugs now and then anymore.

Okay back to the asexual love that God can give us. Agape in Greek?

Almost unconditional "Motherly love "

Motherly love is supposed to be free of sexual undertones
and that is the whole point with the non-ćonditional love
from God.

Some gods though require our obedience of God's plan
for to save all of mankind. Jesus as an example wants us
to pay one tenths to the church or more money? And that we show
Brotherly love.

My "imagined" Jesus required of me to tell each atheist
the God that I imagined wanted me to tell them that
the secular "Jesus" had no need for a supernatural interpretation
or any need for me to believe in "miracles or "woo". ....


Other Churches suggest one give one's time or that one volunteer as
someone that take care of dealing out food to those in big need.

Love bombing is a term some churches use for to
give a hint that they wants us to show non-conditional
"Agape" to strangers visiting the Church for their first time.

But such "love" actions need to come as spontaneously as
possible or else the new comer see through the smoke screen

[prehistoric]

As a confirmed solipsist I can tell you that I also have identity problems. Unfortunately, this will not help you feel less alone, assuming you really exist.

[nooby]

Thanks starhawk my apology for late answer or comment.

I read your good advices and realize that I have
no talent for doing such things as sitting down
and to take notes based on inner thoughts.

But I do agree with you on that it could teach me about myself
to at least try it and to not force it. I've tested this many times
and it fails each time. But it is a good advice indeed

All my verbose writings here in numerous threads can be seen
or interpreted as being one way to address what you suggested.

A kind of "Flooding instead of structured concentration.

What I lack is the talent for to concentrate to sort out
my thoughts out. fore to be of much help.

I make use of too many words that is confusing even to me
who wrote them.

A friendly but maybe annoying advice to all of you.
Only read my verbose texts if you find them interesting
from within your own inner motivation.Haha I truly am
too sleepy writing this the grammar is lacking

[nooby]

Finally by chance some progress made.
I read an interview in Swedish about some old chap
that was into therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder. (BPD))

I've read about BPD maybe since 1970 to 2012 something
because me very motivated to understand why I fail to cope
with life. I could not identify with BPD being a proper diagnose
for me personally.

Until yesterday. So either my body have censored reality
in some clever way that I failed to see through.
Others did see through my deceptions easily but
I did not trust them at that time.
Because one big criteria is that a BPD is very manipulative
but they fail to know that about themselves.

Bingo as we say. Jackpot. Me in a nutshell. I even
fooled myself thinking me very normal.

But the signs have been there. that I am manipulative and
that I easily fool myself better than fooling others whom
often feel appalled by how I try but should know better
knowing what I where doing. Which I did not know. Embarrassing.

You should not do such deceptive behavior they told me.
I could not take it in that I did such things.Good that
I do know now but way too late.

I even fail to notice what I am doing. Embarrassing and scary to know.

So my identity problem stem from the BPD some of them
do have problem with feeling at home with their place in society

To know whome they deep inside truly are.
I accept that it could be the bet diagnose up to now.

I don't like knowing about BPD though. Such a horrible disorder.

One of the few treatment known to help them is a Buddhist like
DBT therapy. Mindfulness training. I fail to trust such is a good thing
to do though.

Okay just wanted to share the latest news in case you care.
I am very happy to get a most likely "true" answer finally after some 30 years of search

Who am I truly beneath the surface me Innermost personal Self

http://www.murga-linux.com/puppy/viewtopic.php?t=93177

So if you fail to know whom you way deep inside maybe take a look at BPD. I have no idea but my body hid or made it hidden for 30 years.

[BuddhaDog]

From a Buddhist perspective, there is no self. No one can ever be born or die. The thing most people call self is just a bunch of collected ideas, but ideas are just ideas. Everything is just makeup on space.

This is not nihilistic, this is real freedom. No worries. You may not agree with this but it doesn't matter. I hope you are comfortable Nooby.

[nooby]

prehistoric I agree. It is good to know one share the feeling
but there is not an easy "cure" to the feeling other
than to just deal with it being present.

[nooby]

From a Buddhist perspective, there is no self. No one can ever be born or die. The thing most people call self is just a bunch of collected ideas, but ideas are just ideas. Everything is just makeup on space.

This is not nihilistic, this is real freedom. No worries. You may not agree with this but it doesn't matter. I hope you are comfortable Nooby.

Thanks for sharing your views on Buddhism.

May I ask about your views on Japanese version of Amitabha?

Shinran Pure Land metaphiric interpretation by Dr. Haneda.
I just love this text by Pure Land interpreter Haneda.

What Is Amida Buddha?
by Dr. Nobuo Haneda

http://www.livingdharma.org/Living.Dhar ... aneda.html
Instead of having a literal understanding he suggests that one read it using metaphor. Do you get things out of such approaches?

Or are you of the opinion that Amida/Amitabha
really exists physically type? Read the text literally as true or
true in a metaphor way? You don't have to answer.

I find much truth in that it is true metaphor so I reject your text on
"there is no self." But there is the physical body acting in away tha feels like being a self. It is how reality works. the metaphors do point to something
that really exits but the interpretation can bevery fr from the best way


No need to get worked up about us disagreeing. Reality is for science
to work out and we are here to care for each other physically and mentally. and psychologically. . My opinion that is.

[bark_bark_bark]

I am going through similar issues as well.

1/ Purpose

One of these days I am going to be on my own and I don't know what i want to be. Maybe I'll never know.

2/ Loneliness

I am a pretty lonely person and it had turned me in to a socially-awkward guy and simply being in a place full of strangers kinda freaks me out a bit.

3/ Sexual-Orientation

I really don't know where I am at, because I never had sex.

[nooby]

bark_bark_bark Thank for sharing your thoughts on .
feeling lonely or feeling alone and odd when others
seems to be happy together.

I had it like that for a very long time too.
Way back in 1965 we had obligatory
Military training. AK47 something

If I could trust the othes being true
then I where the only one one that had
had no sex not even holding hands
with somebody.

It felt so embarrassing. But it is not easy
to give good advice. We are all so very different.

Hetero, Homo or Bi.sexual or even A-sexual

I am mostly Heterosexual but can feel romantic
with guys but I don't want to engage in actual sexacts.

To me the emotiomnal body to body intimacy are more important
than to have actual sex so in that way I am a bit A-sexual.

I guess it makes things worse if I say that physical sex acts
can be idealized or given too much credit formaking us happy.

Think of all these "promiscuous" persons telling us
how empty they felt. even after having 50 or 100
of partners.

Sex can be a bit idealized as the solution.

I trust that if one feel at home in one's own body
then sex sill come when there is a chance for it
to come as a spontaneous act of giving and
sharing because one feel good in such situations.

I can only wish you the best. to find
your personal solution.

I know it is a kind of Cliche? But there is much truth in
that if one feel okay and accept oneself to thefull
then having sex is much better than if one feel too desperate
getting sex.

Sorry it may sound hars or to down play sex
but intimacy seems to me much more than
just having sex.

But sure if you happen tomeet somebody
making you very horny and she is too
then it can be exiting at the moment.

I think I only had that some two times.

Both times it was very surprising how easy it felt.

We just did it and felt good about it. No big deal
Sharing felt so spontaneous. Wish I could say something that could really help.

That one can feel lonely and alone even together
with many many others seems to be a common experience.

Not everybody aware of it though.
But in the end deep inside we are truly alone
due to how our is constructed.

How to cope with that insight is very individual.

I feel rather desperate for to find someone
to hold hand with. No need for sex.though
Holding hand is what I long for. To feel 100% accepted
bodily sex may come later being accepted is primary to me.
That is why I see myself a bit A-sexual. If sex
spontaneously come to me then that is a bonus.

[nooby]

To self diagnose as being BPD Borderline Personality Disorder
came as a relief. I finally got a kind of identity even if very negative one.

It explains why I feel so lonely too and explain
my trouble fitting in and getting along with others.

Not sure what to think of it.
Should I just accept that this is
a true take on who I am?
And not my body making it a make belief
just for to finally get me a sure identity?

I started to search an identity around 1983
and failed to find one that felt genuine and
authentic to say "This is Nooby behind the
mask shielding his most inner thoughts.

Or am I am just an empty shell
One thing supporting that I am empty i
s that I mimic others and don't have anything
from me to contribute with


The latest 4 years My search got very intense.
and I felt so desperate.about not knowing who I really am.

I really needed to know.who I am.

And it felt so odd that I where alone having this need.

BPD came as an eye opener to me. Explained so much.

The very bad thing is that there is no cure for it
only ways to deal with it and to cope with life.